


Imagine being terrified of falling in love with Richard.

by FizzyCustard



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, F/M, Graphic Description, Insecurity, Long-Distance Relationship, My Own Tumblr Post, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Requited Love, Sex, imagine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-10 19:33:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15298512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzyCustard/pseuds/FizzyCustard
Summary: You and Richard Armitage are best friends and during a meeting in London, the two of you find that your relationship takes a very serious turn. You are terrified of letting yourself go and loving Richard, despite knowing deep down that you adore him. Your insecurity is keeping you both from being together, and you also find pictures online of the two of you in public. Richard begs you to accompany him in New York and make the move, but will you overcome it all and finally find your strength? (Originally written as a Tumblr imagine in 9 parts)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The 9 parts have been grouped to make this a 4 part story. They are fairly small chapters still. I haven't given the story a title so that it can easily be found again as quite a few people enjoyed this story on Tumblr. Most of my Tumblr imagine stories had accompany graphics that I made for them, so once I can figure out how to put them in with the text, then I'll put them all up. 
> 
> The chapters are also a direct upload of the original and haven't been edited, apart from the odd spelling/grammar mistake.

CHAPTER ONE

 

You and Richard had grown incredibly close within the last couple of months after meeting through one of your friends. You may have been considerably younger than him and only worked a normal, every day job in a cinema, but you felt content with him. Up until one day...

Richard was staying in London, discussing a possible upcoming project with film producers, and had asked if you wished to join him. Being the gentleman he was and he had booked you separate rooms at a decent hotel, not allowing you to pay anything towards the weekend that you were spending with him. Never once did you feel as though you ‘owed’ him anything; his generosity was always completely genuine, only wanting to please you without creating a sense that you were indebted. 

You had joined Richard in his room with a block of chocolate and other sweet snacks so you could watch a cheesy film. You both sat on the double bed, laughing out loud at the horrendous acting and special effects. Every now and again you would notice Richard watching you, and you looked away, embarrassed. 

The tension was rising in the room, and so much so that you began to move from the bed, but Richard reached out, touching your hand. You inhaled sharply, feeling fluttering in your stomach. The two of you had always been close, discussing your personal thoughts regularly over the phone, but you never imagined for one second that Richard would ever  _feel_  something for  _you_. 

Again you looked away and shifted off the bed, turning away from Richard. You closed your eyes, feeling a weight drop onto your chest as your heart hammered. You could feel your whole body shaking from head to foot. 

Then you felt him behind you, brushing against you, his body pressing into yours. Beard brushed your neck, rendering you weak and vulnerable. His lips began suckling your skin gently, and you knew it would be almost impossible for you to resist in that moment. Richard’s body rocked against you, his hips grinding into you....

It had to end here. You pulled away sharply, realisation, fear and doubt slamming into you. “Please, don’t,” you told him, tears stinging your eyes. You turned and looked up at Richard; his eyes were dominated by lust, and he moved towards you, his hand brushing your cheek. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

Tears fell down your cheeks and you moved away again, dashing across the room. “We can’t,” you told him. How could this man  _ever_  want you? Your whole past had been full of being pushed aside by others, and especially in your relationships, which only consisted of two long term, your boyfriends had made you feel insignificant, unwanted, not worthy of anything. Surely Richard was playing with you, teasing you as he knew he could probably have any woman he wanted. “You don’t love me, Richard,” you replied, narrowing your eyes at him. Richard came towards you again, towering over your short, curvy frame. “Don’t play with me.” 

Richard grit his teeth, cocking his head to the side at your words. “What kind of man do you think I am?” 

You shot to the door, needing to get out. But a hand pushed it shut just as you opened it. “Let me out,” you demanded. 

“I love you, and I know you love me,” Richard said, his deep voice sending shockwaves through you. You swallowed hard. 

“You know nothing about me,” you shot back. 

“Look at me for one second, just one,” he insisted. 

“No!’ you cried out. 

“For fuck sake, just look at me!” Richard shouted, his voice making you jump. 

Tears were falling down your cheeks again as you turned and looked up at him. You looked up into his eyes, feeling the terror inside your chest rise. You could not and would not allow yourself to succumb to these feelings, being vulnerable before a man who could use so much against you that you had bore to him in friendship. 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me. I know when you’re lying,” he said. Richard’s eyes were wide with determination. 

Your eyes darted behind him and then focused back on his face. You took a deep breath and swallowed hard, keeping eye contact for five seconds as you said, “I don’t love you.” Then you turned back to the door and let yourself out. 

***

You had no one to turn to in this instance. It would mean opening up and bearing your inner turmoils and deepest insecurities to someone else, and the closest you had come to bearing all was with Richard. And now that he had admitted being in love with you, things were changing. 

Since dashing from Richard’s room earlier that night he had text you and tried to call, letting you get away from the heat of everything that had been dropped on you, but still wanting you to know that he was desperate to talk things through with you. 

You lay on your bed, curled up inside the warmth of the duvet and sobbed. Could your friendship with Richard even continue now that he had admitted his feelings? You relayed everything, sifting through all the times you had spent with him, the phone calls you had had which normally lasted beyond two hours, the constant texts, and then the laughs and heart to hearts you shared. Logically your brain knew that Richard was perfect for you; he may have been fifteen years older than you and was an actor, flying all over the world to work, but you felt connected to him, safe and wanted. But that small voice in the back of your mind, which so often brought your flaws to attention, reminded you of the men you had previously dated who were more interested in their jobs and hobbies. You were just a convenience to them, a reason to feel they belonged with everyone else and had a woman on their arm. That pain had remained with you, pushed down and buried, but had resurfaced as Richard said those three words to you. Love  _you_? Of all the people on this planet who would gladly fall at his feet and he wanted you! You! The woman who could only just make ends meet with your minimum wage job. The woman who had recently put on weight, comfort eating to numb the pain. The woman that men overlooked for the bronzed and made up beauties. Surely this was all an elaborate joke. 

The next morning you woke early from a very weak sleep, barely making it to three hours. Your head was thumping and your eyes were stinging. On instinct you picked up your phone, it being the first thing you did in morning. And there on your screen was a further text from Richard. 

_I love you. I will do everything in my power to make you see how beautiful you are. I need you._

You sobbed again, covering your face with your hands. Not only were you hurting yourself, but him. The very man you cared for more than anyone else and you were tearing him apart. He deserved a woman who would fall gladly into his arms, accept his love with no questions asked and adore him. 

Before checking out that morning, you stopped at Richard’s door, looking up at the number, 301, engraved into a gold plate on the mahogany wood. You put your fingertips to your lips, kissed them and then placed them to the door. This was for the best. He would forget you quickly and allow his heart to move elsewhere, that was if his heart really did feel for you what he professed. 

Richard woke, batting his eyes against the sunlight which was filling the room, and he felt the affects of last night’s alcohol which he had downed in the bar after you had left. In the midst of his despair, whilst texting you, he had tried to block out all the emotion which was crippling him. Your rejection hurt enough, but knowing that you loved him in return, that was what twisted the pain, making it more intense. 

The clock on Richard’s phone told him it was just after 10am. Quickly he jumped out of bed and pulled on his jeans, dashing out of the room. He knocked your door loudly, calling you from the hallway and not caring if people heard him. “Please let me in,” he begged. “I need to talk to you.”

No answer. 

Richard raced downstairs, almost jumping down the flights of stairs two steps at a time. 

“Is she still here?” Richard cried out, out of breath, as he approached the reception of the hotel. 

“Who, Sir?” a smiley gentleman asked, dressed in a grey suit, working the morning shift on reception. 

“The woman I checked in with. She was in room 302.”

“We normally can’t give out information due to confidentiality,” the man replied. 

“Look, you saw me come in with her,” Richard growled. He leaned across the desk. “Tell me where she is.” 

The man saw the anger in Richard’s eyes and folded, feeling intimidation rise. “Erm, okay, Sir.” As the man checked the computer for reservations, Richard hung his head, gritting his teeth. “She checked out two hours ago.” 

“Shit!” Richard hissed. 


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

 

By the time Richard had made it to Euston station, he looked up at the boards, checking for north departures. He felt as if he were about to fall to his knees in desperation, but his self control kicked in and he swallowed hard, rubbing his hands down his face, trying to stop the impending tears. 

You stood by a food stall, paying the woman at the till for your purchases, and then you noticed a familiar figure looking up at the departure boards. You froze, your gut wrenching tight and you decided it best to slip away, unnoticed. Pain hit your throat and you walked on towards your platform, pushing away the lump with a cough. 

Richard searched through the sea of heads moving around him, swirling, making him feel nauseous. He was sure he saw you, heading towards platform 5, but lost you amongst strangers, and felt it was just his imagination. 

You sat on your bed early one morning, nearly a week since you had come home from London. Texts and calls from Richard had got less, until nothing. That day and you had heard nothing from him. It was the day you knew he would be flying back to the States, preparing to begin a narrating project with Audible whom he often worked for. 

Your phone rang on your bedside table, and you looked at it, seeing Richard’s name flashing on the screen. You frowned, wondering why he was calling so late. It would be around 2am in the States. 

But you couldn’t hold yourself back from him anymore and not talk to him at all. The truth was you missed him... so much. Richard was all you thought about. As you went about your daily job at the cinema, cleaning screens, preparing drinks and popcorn, he was never far from your mind. Dreams of him had also been quite vivid, and in your night visions he was always chasing you, calling out for you. You wanted to stop running and let him sweep you into his arms, but a need to get away became so strong that you never allowed him to catch up with you. 

“Hello,” you said softly, closing your eyes as you answered your phone. 

Richard whispered your name. “I miss you so much.” His voice sounded different, slower and slightly slurred. 

“Are you drunk?” you asked. 

“No....erm, maybe, I don’t know,” he replied, his words blending. “I don’t know anything anymore...W....Why did you have to leave?” 

“You’re better off without me, Richard. I can’t love you how you want me to,” you replied. 

“Bullshit!” he spat loudly. “P...please, just meet up with me. I’ll come back to you....” he began blabbering, his words trailing off. 

“Rich, you’re drunk. Get some sleep, and I’ll call you tomorrow,” you told him and hung up. 

He tried to call you back but you ignored the call. 

By the time you got in touch with Richard and he was sober, it was late evening and you had just finished a shift at work. You knew that things couldn’t continue on between you as they were, and if your friendship was not meant to carry on, then you needed closure. 

You heard his voice and had to steady yourself by sitting down on your sofa. 

“I want to meet up with you, and we can talk. Don’t shut me out anymore, please. Tell me what’s going on.” 

You took a deep breath. “I’d rather not talk about it over the phone,” you admitted. “There’s a lot of pain in me, Rich, and it’s hard to just talk about matter of fact.” 

“I know you’ve had bad experiences in your past, but don’t let that taint your idea of the future. I thought you trusted me, and if there’s one person in this world I wouldn’t hurt, it’s you. I lie in bed at night, needing you next to me, imagining you...” 

“Don’t,” you begged, beginning to weep. 

“You need to accept that someone loves you and is willing to move heaven and Earth for you.” 

“I’m scared...” you cried. 

“I know you are. You’re scared of being hurt again, letting yourself trust someone completely. Angel, I need to come and see you, even if it’s the last time we ever see each other.” At those words, you heard a definite change in Richard’s voice as though it was about to break. “I love you.” And then his voice did break and you heard his sobs on the phone. 

“Rich, don’t cry over me, please.” 

“Why not? You’re beautiful and so fucking far away from me....and every day I just want to scream because I can’t have you. I have to act as though everything’s okay, and it’s not...it’ll never be alright.” 

“Of course it will be.” 

“I just wish you’d tell me you love me,” Richard begged. “You’ve been hurt, and I get that, but I’ve been cheated on and dumped for not being good enough. I still allow myself to carry on with my life and not carry those scars into new relationships. You need to learn to trust and move on.” 

That night you agreed to meet with Richard in three days time when he came to England, and he would travel to see you. For now you would continue on drowning in your self doubt. 

 

***

 

Richard’s flight was in just under two hours and he had already cleared check in and security. A double whiskey sounded good, something that would take the edge off his apprehension of meeting up with you back in England. Alcohol seemed to be the only thing that numbed his pain, and so far he had been drinking every night since your initial rejection in London. 

He checked his phone, hoping that he would have some kind of indiction from you as to how your meeting would work out. Unfortunately, to his disappointment, there was nothing. You had not contacted him. 

Richard took the whiskey he ordered from the barman and downed it quickly, feeling the red hot liquid slide down his throat. And then he opened your Facebook page for the millionth time since your quick departure from the London hotel you had stayed in with him. No update. There had been no trace of you on social media; Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, all of which he followed you on. His thumb hovered over your Facebook profile picture and then he opened it, making it larger and looked at you, praying that you would realise how much he adored you. Your profile picture was a selfie you had taken and then put through a Snap Chat filter, giving you cat ears. You were beautiful without the filter. 

On the flight to London, Richard couldn’t sleep even though it was overnight, taking him into London for around 7:30am. All he could do was think of you, feeling the nerves build in his stomach the closer he got to you. Your reactions to him had shown that the outcome of this meeting was probably going to be a complete split of friendship, because he knew that there was no way he could keep you in his life knowing you loved each other and were not prepared to act on that. 

You waited in your flat for Richard’s text to say he was at the local train station. Everything was prepared; your rooms were all tidy, cleaned, and your spare bedroom was set for him. 

The wait was unbearable, and you knew that having him staying in your flat was going to be emotionally crushing and draining. Then your phone rang. 

You met Richard at the train station, seeing his tall figure waiting for you at the main doors leading in. He smiled at you weakly as you approached him, and you looked away, unable to hold his gaze. 

Things remained silent between you both as you took a taxi back to your flat. You sat apart, a good half a foot between your bodies. And then Richard broke the silence. “Are you okay?” he asked, looking towards you. 

“Been better, but I’ll be fine,” you replied, never looking at him. 

Richard insisted on paying the taxi driver and pulled his small suitcase behind him, following you into your flat. 

“How long are you going to keep this up?” he asked you suddenly, stepping into your living room behind you. You turned around and narrowed your eyes. 

“Keep what up?” 

“You know what I’m talking about. Being silent, not even looking me in the fucking eye! Treating me as though I don’t exist!” Richard snapped. 

You needed to get away and dashed past him, only to feel him take your hand, drawing you back. “I came here for us to talk this through,” he said, his voice low, dripping in frustration. “I may as well have just gone back to New York and forgot...” Then his voice trailed off and he looked down, a lump in his throat. You distinctly felt his hand tighten in yours. “I need you...Look at me, please...Just look at me.” 

Tears fell down your cheeks as you looked up at him, becoming lost in his blue depths that you adored so much. You saw the pain and tears in his eyes also, and he sniffed, trying to push the grief away. Then he picked up both of your hands, putting them to his face and kissed them. “I love you, and I wish you could see it. But if you can’t, then I need to walk away. There’s no way I can continue, even if just as friends. It’s killing me. We love each other and it’s just too much pain.” 

“Then maybe this has to be goodbye, Rich,” you whispered. 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

 

Richard broke down into tears, his shoulders shuddering in the pain of what was happening to him. Then he kissed your hands again. “If this is what you want....just let me kiss you...once,” he begged. There was no way you could deny him this one request. You moved closer to him, anticipation racking through you, your stomach fluttering painfully. And suddenly his lips were on yours as he threw you both into a kiss. His hand drifted up your cheek and he groaned loudly. 

You kissed hard, feeling your whole body become alight for him. Just the reaction from your body made you forget the words that you had spoken to him. Your hands cupped his cheeks, feeling his beard and the tears which had shown his despair of your words. Every other kiss you had ever had in your life paled into insignificance as you felt Richard’s arms wind around your waist, drawing you in tight. Then his lips left yours and began nipping at your neck and he gradually slowed down, his lips pecking lightly against your warm skin. “Please....let me love you,” he whispered. “Let me show you. Trust me. Let go and I’ll catch you.” 

Richard’s arms remained locked tightly at your waist as he rested his head on your shoulder, lightly kissing it. His words were breaking your barrier, that high wall which you had thrown up against all the potential pain and rejection. You brushed your hand up the back of his head, your fingers lacing in his short hair.

“I’m terrified,” you told him. 

“Of what?” he whispered back. “Talk to me.” 

“Terrified of being hurt again; letting go, giving in and finding out its all one joke or I’m not really what you want. My exes treated me like I was nothing to them, and I can’t stand the pain of that. I know I’m nothing.” 

Richard drew back from you. “You are  _not_  nothing,” he insisted. 

You sat down on your sofa as he sat in the armchair opposite, leaning forward, and he continued speaking. “You made bad choices, like everyone does, even me. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love. It just means that you chose to be with arseholes who were too blinded by themselves to see your worth.” 

“You’re just saying that,” you said, looking away. 

Richard reached over, taking your hand. “No, I mean every word. Have I ever lied to you?” 

“No,” you replied. Your heart was pounding so hard and you began to feel nauseous as you teetered on the edge of giving yourself to Richard. “No, you never have.” 

“So why would I lie to you now? Why would I have flown all this way to see you and try to make things work between us? Your pain from those bastards you let yourself be trapped by is the reason you’re being held back from being in a relationship with someone who would do anything for you.” 

Those words made you swallow hard. His eyes were full of nothing but sincerity and determination. 

“You deserve love and happiness,” Richard continued. “And I want to be the one that can give that to you.” 

Tears began to well in your eyes again and you got up, moving across to Richard. His eyes never left yours as you straddled his lap and his arms wound around you protectively. You cupped his cheek again and then kissed his brow, holding him against your chest. “I love you,” you whispered. 

 

***

The first night that you and Richard spent together, basking in the glow of your new relationship, and you lay together, kissing, feeling each other beneath the sheets. Your self control had snapped a long time ago, and now you felt as if you were taking charge of your physical intimacy. However, it was only taking you so far. Richard would look up at you as you straddled him, and he couldn’t help but keep smiling at you. But, as of yet, you had not allowed yourself to venture down the avenue of completely giving your body to him. 

Richard stayed with you for three days, enjoying helping you prepare meals, snuggling with you on the sofa to watch television and then kissing every inch of you at night. Never once did he push for sexual gratification, sensing that you were still holding back and growing accustomed to the new atmosphere between you both. 

On the evening of the third day before he was due to leave and go back to New York for more meetings with Audible, and possibly look into a theatre production later in the year, he sat down with you at your small dining room table. Both of you had a cup of coffee. He reached across the table and laced his fingers in yours. You looked at him, sensing that there was a question. 

“I want to ask you something,” he said, confirming your suspicions. 

“Okay,” you replied, excitement and apprehension hitting your stomach. 

He got up from his seat, releasing your hand. 

“I want you to travel with me,” he announced. “How often do we get to see each other? Once every six weeks? We can’t keep a relationship going like that.” 

Of course you wanted to be with him, and this had always been the issue within your friendship. You were never able to spend as much time together as you wanted. 

You got up from your chair, exhaled and smiled. You wound your arms around his neck and stood on your tip toes, placing a kiss against his lips. Immediately Richard pulled you against him and showed his hunger for you, his tongue seeking yours. 

For a minute or two you continued kissing, becoming caught in the moment, until you moved away, breathing quickly. “It’ll mean quitting my job,” you said. “And I don’t have any savings behind me.” 

“None of that matters. I’ll provide for you,” Richard proposed. He held your hands and kissed your head as you looked down, trying to comprehend what he was proposing. “I want to share everything, and my life, with you.” 

That night you let your love and passion for Richard take you away, and you made love for the first time. He kept so incredibly close to you, his lips always brushing against your skin, and for your very first time joined, you moved slowly. Richard was over you, kissing your neck and down your face over and over, worshipping you. His hips rocked against yours, and with each deep thrust, you felt a spark ignite inside you. 

Your love making carried on until just after midnight, and Richard fell down next to you. Both of you were spent, having come against each other multiple times, and now it was time to curl together. 

“I love you,” Richard whispered, holding you on his chest. 

The following day would mean Richard heading back to New York where he would wait a week for you to tie up the loose ends you needed to in order to begin your gradual move, and then meet back with him State side. Most of your furniture would need to be sold, and you would need to hand in your resignation from work effective as of immediately, then approach your landlord, paying the remainder of your rent. Farewells to the few friends and family you had would also need to be said. 

At around 3am you woke from a doze, having not been able to sleep with all the excitement and preparations swirling around your head. You slipped out of bed, untangling yourself gently from Richard, who groaned under his breath and rolled over, turning away from you. 

You picked up your pad of paper and pen from your bedside table and walked into your kitchen which was just the next room down the hallway. With a smile, you began listing all the things that you needed to take care of: end tenancy agreement with land lord, hand in resignation at work, end contracts with electricity and gas companies...the list began to get longer. Until you felt lips against the base of your neck. 

“What are you up to?” Richard asked. 

“Just writing down everything I need to do before I leave,” you replied. “I never realised there was so much.” 

“I can stay an extra couple of days if you need me,” Richard proposed, stepping beside you and looking down at your list. “I can help with some of this. I can contact the shipping company that helped me when I moved. They gave me a decent deal.” 

You sighed, realising how expensive it was all going to be. “This is going to cost a lot, Rich. I know my electric company will need the rest of the month up front, and the gas probably will as well.” 

“Then you give me your bank details and I’ll transfer you some money in.” 

Everything seemed to be fitting together so perfect; the small hiccups seemed to have a solution. However, something was telling you that this perfection would not last, and soon your sixth sense would be proved correct. 


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

 

Richard was watching as each person walked through the arrivals area at JFK airport. He smiled as families were reunited, couples embraced and friends met for the first time in years, or maybe for the first time. He held a rose in his hand, waiting for you. The rest of the roses, all three bouquets, were back at the apartment, arranged on the bed for you with a bottle of wine and two accompanying glasses. 

He checked his watch as the dozens of passengers disappeared through the terminal and off towards their final destinations, and then he looked up at the arrivals board. Your flight had definitely landed: United Airlines from London Heathrow came in at midday. 

Richard saw an immigration officer walk past and enquired as to whether the plane you had been scheduled to board had landed. The officer, a middle aged, white haired man, grunted, saying that it had and walked on. Surely the officers wouldn’t have had any issues with your visa and entry, so you being detained was highly unlikely. 

Back in England and you had resorted to calling upon your parents for help and you were temporarily living with them until you could get yourself back up on your feet. Your mother had already told you how much of an idiot you were for giving up your job and home for a man you had only just gotten into a relationship with.

Two days before you were due to join Richard and you had been messaged by an ex-colleague from the cinema you had just resigned from, with a link to an online article. The article had shown pictures of you and Richard walking hand in hand down a London street, both of you completely unawares to any photographer in the area. But the worst part had been all the degrading comments you had read beneath, slating you for being with Richard and calling you very disgusting names like ‘dog’ and ‘ugly bitch’. You knew these were just jealous fans, but the comments had cut you deep, re-rooting all the insecurity that you felt you were just putting to bed. 

The comments kept playing through your mind as you slept, when you showered, when you ate, and in the end you had decided against joining Richard. But you were a coward and couldn’t be up front and tell him. 

Around early evening of the day you were due to land in New York, you looked up at the clock, knowing that it would be time your flight would land and Richard would be in arrivals waiting for you. Your father was too busy watching a quiz programme to even be concerned with your worries, and your mother was taking a nap after an overnight shift at the local hospital where she worked as a nurse. 

Your phone began to vibrate on the coffee table so you grabbed it and disappeared into your room. Your heart hammered painfully as you saw his name across the screen in large letters. 

“Where are you?” he asked, sounding frantic as you accepted the call. 

“I never got on the plane, Rich,” you told him, the pain in your chest rising upwards so you began sobbing. 

“W....wha? I’m stood in ARRIVALS WAITING FOR YOU!” he shouted down the phone. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? What’s going on? I can’t keep this up!” 

“Well, you don’t have to,” you snapped back at him. “Thank all your wonderful, dedicated fans for this.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Richard growled. 

You closed your eyes and exhaled, gathering your thoughts as much as you could from the fog that had descended on you. “Photos were published online of us, and some of the comments made against me were disgusting. I’ve never been called anything like that by people who KNOW me, let alone people I’ve never met before. I can’t stand that.” 

“Why should anyone else’s opinion matter?” Richard’s voice had lowered in volume, but the frustration was deepening. This was when you knew he was at his worst; he didn’t shout, but his voice became a quiet growl. “You’re playing me around now, and I can’t carry on like this with you, not knowing what’s going on and when you’re going to break up with me next. I mean, come on, you’ve sold your stuff and moved out. Where are you now?” 

“I’m with my mom and dad.” 

“Who you don’t get on with?” Richard almost mocked. “You gave up your job and flat to now let this stupidity get to you.” 

“Why is it stupidity?” you argued. 

“I have this every day of my life. My name and my job are dragged through shit by critics and God knows who else. You’ve got to learn to get over it. And I know that’s easy for me to say, but you need to stand against it and go for what you love in life. That’s if you love me...” 

“You know I do,” you whispered, tears falling down your face. “I love you more than anything.” 

“Then you need to focus on me, on our future, and fuck everyone else.” 

***

Those horrible, degrading comments that Richard’s fans had put online about you still raced through your mind. You would lie in bed, constantly sifting through the words, wondering if they were right. Your relationship with Richard was still on the brink of breaking down due to the fact that you would not agree to go to New York. 

Richard had been on the phone with you again, and it was now a week since you had been scheduled to meet up with him at JFK airport. He slumped down on the bed and sighed in exasperation; he was tired, frustrated and didn’t know how long he could continue fighting for you. 

Each day that passed, that you were physically absent, and it became harder for Richard to function. The brief taste he had had of you back in England had left him hungry for more, pining for you more than ever. In meetings regarding an upcoming play he was considering, and Richard was distracted, slipping into daydreams, imagining you saying ‘yes’ and finally coming to New York to be with him. 

He looked at the large wine stain in the carpet where he had smashed a bottle of wine against the wall a week earlier in a fit of rage once he had returned to his apartment, without you. The roses had been stuffed away in the rubbish as tears had fallen down his face, and his hands bled from thorns digging into his flesh. 

And things now were still no better with you. Your whole relationship was hanging by a tiny thread, threatening to tear apart at any moment. It was barely even a relationship, and had only been anything remotely like what it should have been for a handful of days. 

In bed you let your mind think of wherever Richard was. All you could feel were his hands on you, him inside you, and his lips slipping over every inch of you. You had never been so wanted, cherished and needed. Richard treated you right in every way a person should be in a relationship. The truth was this, you adored him, loved him more than you had ever loved anyone before, and it was all scaring you. You had put your fear aside once, giving in, and now those hateful comments were plaguing you. There was no one you could tell, apart from your parents. Richard’s career was always something you kept quiet; when you were both friends, you only said that he worked in London and New York to other people, never elaborating on the details. 

All you had done was consider your own feelings, never Richard’s. Everything, so far, had been about you. You looked at your clock and saw it was nearly midnight, so it would be evening for Richard. You had already text a few times that day, passing the usual pleasantries to each other, but with tension lingering behind your words. 

You picked up your phone and let it call out to him. Within half a dozen rings and he answered. 

“Hi,” he said softly. You could sense a smile behind the greeting, as though you could hear it pouring down the phone line. 

“I’m sorry if I’ve bothered you, Rich,” you apologised, pulling yourself up in bed. 

“You never bother me,” he replied. “I’m just glad you called. I...erm, miss you so much.” 

“I miss you, too,” you said, closing your eyes. You squeezed your lips together and tried to push the painful lump in your throat away. “I lie awake at night and I want to be next to you. I imagine how it all felt when we slept together.” 

You heard Richard’s light chuckle down the phone. “Then come out to me. I’d come to you but I have so many meetings to finalise my contract for the upcoming play.”

“So you’ve decided to do it?” you asked. 

“Don’t dodge what we were talking about. I know you. Come out to me.”

The more you heard his voice, and the way it pleaded for you, and the easier it was for him to break your resolve. All you wanted was to feel him, see him and be wrapped up in his arms. 

“Alright, and it’ll be a definite this time,” you promised. 

***

You laughed as Richard called you just as you were sat at the airport gate, waiting to board your United Airlines flight to JFK airport. “Are you sure you’re boarding this time?” he asked, chuckling. Then two minutes later into the conversation he playfully interrupted you and asked again. 

“Oh, shut up, you daft idiot,” you laughed back at him. The tension and frustration that had lain between you both the last couple of weeks had dissipated, leaving peace, happiness and excitement in its place. Your interaction with Richard had become what it once was: playful banter, heart to heart conversations and philosophical debate. Usually the philosophical debate came from a book that Richard had been reading, and you had no idea what he was talking about, but would try your best to keep up. 

Suddenly a voice came over the tannoy. “Welcome to this United, non-stop flight to JFK International Airport. All business passengers and Star Alliance card holders are now welcome to board.” 

“Boarding is starting,” you told Richard. “I should land at around two, and hopefully the queue through border control will be quick.”

“I can’t wait to see you,” he replied with a sigh. “I love you. Safe journey, angel. I’ll be waiting in arrivals for you.” 

“I love you, too,” you told him, meaning each word. 

The flight seemed so long, so much longer than seven hours. However, this was only your second ever flight. Normally Richard came to you in London, and the only other time you had flown was when you had gone on holiday to Spain in your teens with your parents, and hated every minute of it. The take off was the exiting part but once you were in the air, you felt the tension in your muscles at every tiny bump. The loud sound of the engines did not ease your nerves either. The landing was even worse; you braced yourself for the whole descent, feeling as if you were crashing. 

Finally you were on the ground and you saw the terminal. You followed everyone out, holding your large weekender bag with your valuables in. The sights and sounds were completely alien to you, but the thought of being with Richard again meant that you didn’t concentrate on the new environment as much as you should have. 

Immigration was swift despite the long queues; an officer asked you a couple of questions regarding your entry clearance which showed up against your passport. You gave Richard’s address where you would be staying, and explained you were coming to join your partner. Then you had your fingerprints taken. The officer stamped your passport, smiled, and allowed you to go. 

Next you collected your large suitcase from the carousel and began your walk to the main arrivals area where friends, family and taxi drivers waited. 

Your heart began to race and you felt the butterflies hit your stomach as you walked through the vast terminal towards the exit. You walked through the door, exhaling loudly, and then you saw him. 

The butterflies flapped viciously and you laughed, dashing towards him. You never noticed the large bouquet of roses in his hand as he grabbed you tight and kissed you, not caring who was watching. 

You looked at him for a couple of seconds and brushed your hand down his cheek, feeling his beard beneath your touch. “This is it, Rich. I’m yours,” you whispered. 

 

**Fin.**


End file.
